


but i didn't die

by pulveremcomedesligulas (tayrs10)



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Character Study, Game Spoilers, M/M, POV Third Person, Pre-Epilogue, cannon deaths apply, i don't regret that, in which i give mikleo survivor's guilt, this idea was stuck in my head forever and i finally wrote it out, vague epilogue spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tayrs10/pseuds/pulveremcomedesligulas
Summary: Mikleo hadn’t mentioned it to Sorey that night in Lastonbell - hadn’t felt the need to - but he was sure they both knew there was a very high chance that evenifSorey returned with all his memories intact, it was very likely Mikleo wouldn’t be there to see him.This was the knowledge that Mikleo went into the final battle with, and he had come to accept what he thought his fate would be. But that didn’t make the pain he faced up to that point any easier to bear.Alternatively: A character study looking into how Mikleo could have assumed he wouldn't come out of the final battle alive, only to discover that he did, and the way that impacts him through the years.





	but i didn't die

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me while watching the anime cut scene in the game when Sorey kills Heldalf and he seems surprised to see the four seraphim orbs floating up after the malevolence. To me this seemed like maybe they had all gone in assuming there was slim chance of survival. I particularly wanted to look at Mikleo under this assumption, given all he loses leading up to and during the final battle (i.e. finding out he was a sacrifice, watching Muse die, having to kill Zenrus, losing Sorey, all that fun stuff).
> 
> I don't know if this is something that's been done before, but I really wanted to write it so I did!
> 
> Disclaimer: I haven't actually played the game, and I've only watched one playthrough, so there may be some things that don't exactly line up with how the game actually works, or may not have been included in the game. I hope I got it all accurate, but if not I apologize!!
> 
> Anyway enough of me talking, please enjoy!

There had been an unspoken acknowledgement among the members of their group that even if they won in the final fight against Heldalf, they were most likely were not going to return from it. 

They all knew what Sorey’s plan was, to become a vessel for Maotelus in hopes that he would be able to slowly help purify both the Great Lord as well as the continent. Despite Sorey’s promise to Mikleo that he would come back one day, they all knew that there was no guarantee that Sorey would return. 

Mikleo hadn’t mentioned it to Sorey that night in Lastonbell - hadn’t felt the need to - but he was sure they both knew there was a very high chance that even _if_ Sorey returned with all his memories intact, it was very likely Mikleo wouldn’t be there to see him. 

He had almost brought it up on that cliffside in Elysia, but… he knew Sorey knew. They both knew, they both understood without him having to say anything about it. 

It had taken a long time for Mikleo to realize, but some things truly were left unsaid. 

The fact was that all four of the seraphim in their group had accepted that their journeys would end when they gave themselves over to be ammunition for Seigfried. They had seen it happen with Dezel, when he sacrificed himself against Symonne to separate Rose from the dark seraph’s malevolence. Mayvin had also referenced the fact that when they were used as weapons against malevolence - particularly malevolence as strong as the Lord of Calamity’s - they would have to surrender themselves over to the pure energy of their existence. 

It was the only way to sever the bond between Heldalf and Maotelus, meaning it was the only option they had of defeating Heldalf. 

This was the knowledge that Mikleo went into the final battle with, and he had come to accept what he thought his fate would be. But that didn’t make the pain he faced up to that point any easier to bear. 

…

After finding the final Earthen Historia, Mikleo had slowly come to accept his own personal history, and just how he and Sorey were connected to the rise of the Age of Chaos. He personally thought he had prepared himself for an encounter with his birth mother Muse while they pushed through the Mt. Mabinogio Ruins. He had known, logically, that she wouldn’t recognize him if they did meet. How could she, if he had been just a baby when she had last seen him, and on top of that he was a seraph now? 

What he hadn’t been prepared for was the emotions he received from having to watch Muse sacrifice herself. 

Sorey had wanted to stop her. He would’ve told her that the children raised by Zenrus were there - that _they_ were there - as the Shepherd and his Sub-Lord. Mikleo had held him back. He had known that the only thing they could do for Muse was send her off with the knowledge that her sacrifice was not in vain. 

And he so he told her, in as many words as he could, that what she had been hoping for - that the better world she had put all her faith in - was something they were going to fight to ensure. 

Edna - in her very Edna way of sounding like she wasn’t serious when she actually was - had told him that it was okay for him to cry when they’d first witnessed what the final Iris Gem had to show them. Mikleo hadn’t cried then (at least not until the others were asleep and it was just he and Sorey sitting out under the stars of the Zaphghott Moor) and he didn’t cry after he watched his mother sacrifice herself in order to buy them a little more of a chance against Heldalf. 

He couldn’t hide the emotions he felt though, even with his choked “I’m fine” that he was sure no one believed. 

But none of the others held it against him, as he gripped Muse’s staff closer to his body. Rose just nudged his shoulder, Edna poked him with her umbrella. Sorey put his hand on Mikleo’s for just a second as a way of saying _it’s okay, I’m here_.

And it was okay, until they got to Heldalf and discovered what he had done to Zenrus. Nowhere through the entire trip had Mikleo felt so close to falling to malevolence as he did right then, and he was sure Sorey felt the same. 

But they didn’t - they _wouldn’t_ \- because to do so would’ve meant that everything they had done up to that point had all been for naught. Every person they had saved, and every one that they couldn’t… everything would’ve meant nothing. 

Mikleo didn’t even pause to think before he stepped up beside Sorey to face Heldalf - to kill _Gramps_. He knew there was no way he was allowing Sorey to bear that burden all on his own. They had started this journey together and they had faced every hardship along the way together. It was only right that they do this together as well. 

Through the armatus, Mikleo and Sorey acted as one. They shared the same thoughts and feelings and memories. And when they dealt that final blow that released Gramps from Heldalf’s hold, they both heard their guardian’s last words to them.

The worst part was that there wasn’t even time for them to mourn before Heldalf armatized with Maotelus, and it was time to carry out their plan. 

One by one Sorey armatized with each of his seraphim companions, and one by one he used Seigfried to shoot their energy directly at Heldalf and Maotelus. 

As fate would have it (and Mikleo was sure it was fate, because in the heat of battle there was no way that Sorey would’ve thought his actions through this much), Mikleo was the last seraph that Sorey called upon. He called to Sorey when he saw the opening for the shot to be made. What he didn’t expect was for Sorey to hesitate with that final shot. As if it was finally coming to light what was happening - what was going to happen. 

That this was the last time they would be able to be together. 

The thought crashed through their shared mind, and Mikleo didn’t know how to react. More than that, there wasn’t _time_ to react, because there was Rose - wonderful, beautiful, _completely human_ , Rose - jumping in to block the blow that Heldalf was aiming at he and Sorey. 

Rose was thrown to the side like a lifeless doll, but she had bought them enough time to to act through their hesitation. 

_Now, Sorey. Let me go._

Mikleo’s words were followed by a loud cry from Sorey. It was a cry filled with pain, anger, and guilt, but also one full of determination. And as Sorey pulled the trigger on Seigfried - as Mikleo forced himself to focus all of his energy into the weapon as he was pulled from the armatization and shot towards Heldalf - Mikleo was just able to hear Sorey’s soft _I love you._

It was a strange sensation, having his entire being condensed down into such a concentrated burst of energy. It was entirely different than when he condensed down to exist in the vessel space inside of Sorey. While in the vessel space, Mikleo was still very much himself, just not in a physical form. But being shot from Seigfried... it was more than just the loss of his physical form. Almost as soon as he collided with Heldalf, Mikleo felt all of his being spread out through the malevolence tying the Lord of Calamity to Maotelus. As his essence spread out, Mikleo felt his consciousness fade. He was barely aware of how his energy merged with the energies of Lailah, Edna, and Zaveid, and how together all of their combined energy worked together to separate Maotelus from the malevolence of Heldalf. 

They worked together, not aware of the fight happening outside of them - of Sorey leaving Rose behind as he and Heldalf fell into darkness. They were barely present when Sorey and Heldalf attacked each other with those final Lion’s Howl attacks, and Sorey’s attack came out on top, throwing Heldalf back into the throne behind him. 

Mikleo just barely felt his awareness coming back as Sorey made the slow approach to the throne and Heldalf’s weakening human form. He felt the other three seraphim also turning their attention to their Shepherd as he picked up his abandoned sword. They heard the words Heldalf used against Sorey, taunting him that even if Sorey were to kill him there, a new Lord of Calamity would arise in Sorey himself. 

Mikleo felt a spark of alarm rush through the combined energies of him and the other three seraphim. There were no words spoken between them, but they all knew that when Sorey landed that final killing blow against Heldalf, and all the Lord of Calamity’s malevolence rushed out, they had to protect Sorey against the malevolence. 

It would be their last duty as Sorey’s contracted seraphim. 

That blow came, as Sorey drove his sword through Heldalf’s chest. The malevolence surged forward, and the seraphim combined their energy to direct it away from Sorey. 

Then it was quiet, as the four of them came back to themselves and followed the malevolence out. 

Mikleo was losing consciousness again as he felt himself floating out of Heldalf and up out of the abyss, but he had enough awareness left in him to direct his glowing blue orb to brush against Sorey’s cheek.

A final kiss, a final goodbye. 

…

It was five days after the final battle with Heldalf that Mikleo woke up in a vessel space inside of Rose. They were in Elysia, which was apparently the farthest Rose had been able to make it before she too fell unconscious at the gates of the seraphic village. She didn’t wake up until nearly seven days after the battle. 

Even with waking up after five days, it took another three before Mikleo and the other three seraphim had built up enough energy to be able to emerge from the vessel space and into their physical forms. Once he was out though, Mikleo took the time to properly mourn Zenrus with his Elysian family. The others gave him space to do so, and he had never been able to express how grateful he had been for that.

He was glad that he’d been able to have the family that had raised him around as he dealt with the emotions of losing Gramps, but even they weren’t the right support he needed when it came to processing everything that had happened. 

Normally that responsibility would’ve fallen to Sorey but… well Sorey was part of the problem, wasn’t he?

In reality, it had taken years for Mikleo to come to terms with what they had all gone through. For the first few decades, he’d stuck with the others, keeping his Sub-Lord pact to Rose, who stepped up as the Shepherd after Sorey went to sleep. 

During that time, Mikleo was slowly able to acknowledge what had happened to them. That despite them all believing that they wouldn’t survive the final battle… they had. That somehow, someway, they had survived being used as weapons against the highest form of malevolence. 

When they had been preparing to go into the final battle, Mikleo had been certain about the fates of all of his friends, except Rose, maybe. Because Rose was nothing if unpredictable. 

But Rose was human, and eventually humans died. After Rose’s death, Mikleo only stayed on for a while longer as a Sub-Lord, then eventually decided it was time to step down. He helped the group find a new water-seraph to take his place, then he went back to Elysia. 

It was after Rose’s death that Mikleo’s thoughts went back to the final battle with Heldalf once again. But this time, instead of centering around the surprise about the fact that he and the others had survived, his thoughts circled around the _whys._

Why had they survived? And even more difficult for him to shake was the thoughts of _why did I survive when others didn’t?_

He knew, of course, that these weren’t thoughts he should entertain. They were thoughts that could easily open him up to malevolence, and that was the last thing that he wanted. But even knowing that was a possibility, there were some of his lonelier days that Mikleo found himself wishing for those he had lost, and on the even darker days he couldn’t fight the thoughts of how it should have been him that died in their place. 

Eventually, he learned to control those thoughts. He couldn’t really say he moved on from his grief - the older he got, the more he realized that grief wasn’t exactly something that went away, but rather that eventually you learn to live your life around it. 

So as his learned to live with his grief, he decided he didn’t want to stay in Elysia permanently. There was too much of the world to see, after all. But the small mountain-top village did make a good home base for him between his travels, and gave him a quiet place where he could work on his various writing projects. 

The first thing he published was a two volume account about the Shepherd Sorey and the Shepherd Rose. He wrote under a pseudonym for the first edition of those books, publishing them through the Sparrowfeathers Trade Company - Rose’s merchant guild that, during the time between her retirement from active duty as Shepherd and her death, she had worked hard to upgrade to a large trade company that promised to last for generations. The company’s headquarters were in Ladylake, which Rose insisted it was just because Ladylake was a good base of operations, though everyone who knew her knew she really chose Ladylake because of a certain Hyland princess. 

Said Hyland princess became the focus of Mikleo’s next book. He was fortunate enough to find a way to interview both Sergei and Alisha before their deaths to be able to get a first-hand account on the peace talks that ended the Great War between Hyland and Rolance. 

There were plenty of other books that Mikleo was able to write in seven hundred years. Eventually he moved from the biographies of his friends to historical accounts of his research. His research took him all over the Glenwood continent, and even beyond, in some cases (one of those cases involved Zaveid, Edna, and a boat. It was one of Mikleo’s best selling books, but also an experience he personally prefered to forget about).

It was his most recent book that had led him to the temple he was in that day. It was one he hadn’t explored before, having just recently been uncovered in the grasslands and plateaus that made up much of Rolance. He’d heard from various sources about the vastly different seraphic artes that had been put into creating the once-great temple, and of course this had made Mikleo want to see it for himself. 

In his centuries of exploring ruins, one would think that Mikleo knew to look out for the various traps that could be found in ruins. Yet for some reason, the idea of a trap did not cross his mind. 

It should’ve. In hindsight it really should’ve. But also in hindsight was the fact that because of Mikleo’s negligence with this one trap, it led to a great surprise for him. 

The free-falling feeling hit his stomach as soon as he heard the ground crack and fall underneath him. But that feeling only lasted for a second before something grabbed onto his wrist and stopped his fall. 

Once the shock of falling and then not falling had worn off, Mikleo dared to look up at whoever was his rescuer. His eyes landed on the person’s glove first, and he couldn’t stop the gasp that slipped from his mouth as his eyes widened at the sight of it. 

There was no way…

But then his eyes traveled up further. He could just barely make out the familiar silhouette with the sun shining down from above, but he would’ve known that figure anywhere. A relieved smile found its way to his lips as he reached up with his other arm to grab onto the arm holding his.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it then. Hope you all liked it. I'd love to hear more thoughts on the whole "didn't think they were going to survive" concept, as well as thoughts about things in general!
> 
> You can yell at me here or on my tumblr pulveremcomedesligulas.tumblr.com


End file.
